


Slap or Kiss

by orphan_account



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 17:44:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6529840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>penn wanted the kirkwall crew to play this:</p>
<p>1. You spin the bottle. Whoever it lands on will either have to slap or kiss you.<br/>2. You, the spinner, leave the room. Everyone else gets to vote on whether you will get slapped or kiss. Majority wins, the person who the bottle landed on doesn’t get a vote.<br/>3. When it’s decided, you’re called back in for the surprise Slap or Kiss, and everyone watches with anticipation because they all know and you have no idea and i love it</p>
<p>so they are :3</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [calligraphypenn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/calligraphypenn/gifts).



Isabela smirked and leaned back. She didn’t need a vote in this.

As if on command, Hawke hissed in a furious whisper, “There will be no slapping Merrill!”

“Are you trying to influence our vote? That’s not in the spirit of the game, is it?” Anders asked innocently.

“How would you know, host for spirit of justice?”

“Oh shut up, Hawke. Justice has already informed me that spirits of games don’t exist.” He crossed his arms and pouted. “Fine, kiss.”

Hawke grinned and turned steely grey eyes on Fenris, who rolled his eyes and growled, “Kiss.”

The rest of the group followed suit, and Hawke yelled for Merrill to come back in.

She peeked in carefully, seeming to expect Isabela to lie in waiting, ready to pounce. Isabela felt like a cat watching a mouse as Merrill walked slowly up to her, except the mouse was looking ready to burst with excitement. Isabela stood, raising a hand. Merrill’s ears drooped; but before the look of dismay had fully spread across her face, Isabela chuckled and swept her up in a crushing hug, silencing Merrill’s startled squeak with her lips. With a little sigh, Merrill melted into her arms, making her shiver when her slim fingers stroked the round tip of one of her ears while the other hand crept much further down her back than she’d have expected.

“Is there a time limit?” Aveline asked impatiently, and Merrill pulled away, somewhat breathless.

“Oh my. You’re much better than Sebastian! I’m sorry, Sebastian,” she gasped.

“Don’t judge him too hard, Kitten. The poor boy is out of practice.”

Merrill narrowed her eyes at the exasperated looking man, letting Isabela pull her onto her lap as she sat back down. “Is he really? Does Andraste not get a kiss after spending all day be-”

“Just spin the bottle, Isabela!”


	2. Chapter 2

“Oohhh, Sparklefingers! You were my very… sixth choice!” Isabela deposited Merrill on her chair with a peck on her cheek, and sauntered past Anders.

“Nonono, you wait a minute. _Sixth_  choice? Should I be grateful that at least the chatty guy didn’t beat me? Unless he did.” Anders frowned.

“It’s nothing personal, sweet thing; it’s just… look around you! A chance to have Aveline’s giant hands on me! To feel Varric’s chest hair tickle my skin as he kisses me tenderly! To hear Sebastian call me a bad, bad girl as he spanks me! To have Fenris tell me that only for me did he finally stop redirecting the bottle away from him with the power of his glare alone! To fall into Hawke’s warm embrace and then her bed! It’s not like I’ve forgotten that you are damn good at both kissing and slapping, it’s just that… I already know that!” she took a deep breath and patted Anders’ head. “I’m looking forward to your quality kissing and slapping, Sparkles. No worries.”

Anders sighed as she left and tried to ignore the amused looks of the others. Even Fenris was smirking.

“So can Bela be slapped?” he muttered sullenly, but Hawke shushed him.

“Nuh-uh, you’re having quiet time now. That said, I’m all for slapping.”

“Slap,” Aveline agreed.

“Kiss,” Varric voted with a grin.

Sebastian looked conflicted. “Kiss,” he finally sighed.

“Slap,” decided Fenris.

Merrill frowned. “What happens if there’s a draw?”

Hawke looked questioningly at Varric, who inclined his head thoughtfully. “I assume that means she’d be getting slapped and kissed.”

“Oh! She’ll never see that coming!” Merrill giggled. “Kiss!”

“BELA!” Hawke shouted and narrowed her eyes when the door opened immediately. “You weren’t eavesdropping, were you?”

“I’d never.” She eyed Anders with a smirk. “Now what are you going to do to me?”

Putting on his most roguish grin and wrapping both arms around her waist, Anders pulled her close with a sharp tug.

“Guess,” he whispered huskily and kissed her deeply, running his hands down her back. She hummed happily into the kiss, then let out a peal of laughter when Anders slapped both hands onto her buttocks.

“Oh, so this is how the vote was interpreted? Is Varric cheating at party games now?”

Anders pushed her towards her chair with a solemn look. “The Spirit of Games demanded it.”


	3. Chapter 3

Fenris scowled at the bottleneck pointing firmly in his direction. Anders looked at him with wide eyes and his bottom lip drawn between his teeth before leaving the room.

“Well, since I already spend half of my waking hours seeing to Blondie’s protection, I’m forbidding slapping in this particular case,” Varric declared.

“I’m voting slap.”

“Aveline!”

“What, Hawke? Merrill got to slap him earlier; why not Fenris?”

“Because Merrill is…” Hawke gestured wildly. “And Fenris is…” More flailing.

“What you all seem to forget in your slightly pointless fretting about Sparklefingers’ physical integrity is that this might be the only chance any of us will ever get at seeing those two make out, so _kiss._ ”

Isabela’s comment brought back the image of Anders kissing her, and with it Fenris’ desperate and unacceptable longing to have those hands and lips on him in exactly the same way. But if the contrast between ridiculous fantasy and reality weren’t stark enough already, being kissed by the mage and kissing him were two very different animals. Still, it wasn’t decided yet; they might still-

“ANDERS! IN!”

Fenris looked up with a start. What? Before he could say anything, Anders walked in, still looking vaguely as if he were being led to the Gallows. A frantic glance at the faces of his friends gave Fenris no clues about what he was supposed to do until he reached Merrill, who gave him an understanding look and pursed her lips for a moment.

Determined, Fenris stood on his tiptoes, hooked an arm around Anders’ neck, and pulled him down. After keeping his lips pressed motionlessly to Fenris’ for an awkward moment, Anders kissed him back; and finally those hands were touching him, stroking his back and winding into his hair.

He didn’t notice the stunned silence until he had pulled away from Anders.

Hawke coughed. “Well, you certainly took ‘you can slap him, but only very gently’ to heart…”

Fenris’ eyes widened, and he whipped his head around to stare at Merrill, who looked entirely unapologetic.

“Isabela said she wanted to see it.”


End file.
